Tuesday, July 12, 2011

How adrenaline proves my weakness

I'm not afraid. I don't have any phobias, I love things that are difficult and edgy. I don't often have a moment that makes me nervous, and if I do it just takes a second of re-focusing my mind before I have control of the uncertainty.
When we were in Mexico, this last month, is a perfect example. My brother found and picked up a baby crocodile (it was in a tank, but still it's a two foot long aggressive animal) and I could hardly wait my turn to hold it. It wasn't until I watched my other siblings take the creature with a surprising level of trepidation that I recognized my comfort.

Sadly, there is always the exception to the rule. I am afraid of confrontation. Not debating. I will argue with someone about ideas, but when it comes to confronting someone about a slight against me (if it's an attack on someone I love I don't even think. I instinctively check the offender as a protection for the offended), or a situation in which I feel he/she is wrong, I'm useless. It's really embarrassing actually. A huge weakness and something I've consciously been addressing.

Today I was given the chance to confront an unfamiliar but frustrating roommate. I'll skip the list of situations that have left me feeling like this roommate has not broken out of the "I live at home and Mom takes care of everything" stage to the "I now live in my own place and should take care of it, if not for me then at least out of respect for my roommates" stage, but I think you get the idea.

After Taylor and I spent an hour deep cleaning the kitchen this afternoon he went home while I finished babysitting my crock-pot rice pudding. She came in and started making a simple dinner (no cooking required) and decided the garbage can was too full so she pulled the bag out and walked outside. My immediate thought was, That's good of her. I should re-evaluate my feelings. When she gets back in I'll thank her for taking it out. . .  as quickly as she exited she re-entered. She had left the bag sitting outside our front door, half way to the garbage bins. Seriously? I was so shocked I didn't say anything because my back had been turned so I second guessed my feeling of what she had done. As I walked across the street I confirmed my initial reaction. There was the garbage bag right on the ground.

Skip forward an hour and I walk back home and see the bag unmoved.

Enter Hilary.
Roommate enters on the way from the laundry room to her bedroom.
Roommate: Hey
Hilary: Hey.
Hey, question: Were you planning on leaving the garbage bag outside the door or...?
Roommate: Oh, I forgot to take that out. Thanks.
Hilary: Okay. I don't want to come across as bitchy or anything, I was just wondering.

That's it. But all it took was the split-second decision to act against my inclination and confront her and my adrenaline hit in full swing; shaking knees and everything. I was so pumped.

It really is quite late that the moment was so epic for me. But that is life.

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